Here is an excellent article I found on Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers website full of information on coping with this kind of mental and emotional abuse of a malicious mother.
Mothers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are in a very good position when you think about it.
Where else would a Narcissist get such a ready, biddable, vulnerable source of Narcissistic Supply than from her own children?
They fall into two categories - engulfing mothers who see no
boundaries between themselves and their daughters, and ignoring mothers who
don't particularly even see their daughters, and certainly don't care. Each is hugely dysfunctional and
One trick, or aspect, of narcissistic mothers, is that they're quite often nice. This can be so confusing - part of the
head-wreckingness of this whole NPD. The niceness always has strings attached
One of Narcissistic mothers' favourite tricks is invalidation, including a particularly nasty and insiduous form of invalidation called
gaslighting. No matter what emotions or memories you bring up, they'll dismiss
Click here for the free "DONM
Guidebook to Healing and Thriving"
And why not check out our vibrant and friendly forum?
They also have the twin cruelties of parentification and
infantalisation, where they get you to parent them and keep you dependant on
them respectfully. A narcissistic mother could do either or both of these.
Another nice trick is triangulation, where they make themselves
the pivotal point of the family dynamic and everything has to go through them.
Mothers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can't do it alone, of course. They need help, and
Enabling Fathers are the perfect ones to give them that help.
Most people never even think of the possibility of narcissistic mothers. To the extent that NPD is
in the public
consciousness at all - which is very little - it's more considered to be men who have it. This is partly
because it does seem to be more prevalent in men. And also my impression is that men with it are more likely to be
violent and so more likely to come to public awareness.
And if people think of women having it, they maybe think of wives and girlfriends and friends. They
don't think of mothers.
We have a huge cultural embargo upon thinking badly of mothers. We esteem mothers, put them on
pedestals, worship them almost. I've read that this cultural indoctrination is why the fairy stories always feature
wicked stepmothers - because to speak of wicked mothers is just undoable. I think there's a lot of
plausibility in this theory.
I'm writing this just a couple of days after Mother's Day and it'd make you sick, the sycophancy
and adoration of mothers and motherhood that goes on. (Of course, there may well be something sinister about this
too, in that this worship of mothers is a way of keeping women in their place, of patronising them. Or at least,
the residue of this. That's another discussion though!)