Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Parental Alienation Awareness-The Grown Up Child
As a young teenager, I had a brush with parental alienation.
While standing at a sink washing dishes it was declared to me that one of my parents must not love me. Then I was assaulted with all the twisted evidence to prove their claim. The lack of phone calls, the apparent lack of interest, and of course the lack of child support all while I was assured that my ‘other’ parent had always provided all of those things for me. The propagator of this garbage got incensed when I asserted that I was indeed loved by both my parents, and I was shrilly asked what evidence I had to prove it. When I couldn’t provide any, I was told that my lack of any ‘real’ counterpoints merely confirmed their argument. And the debate was over. I was told again that I obvously wasn’t loved by ‘that’ parent.
I remember that night so well. Each word felt like a rock being hurled against my skin. I remember the anger that raged within me and the sadness that threatened to overcome me. I fought with all my might to hold back the tears because crying felt like defeat and I wanted more than anything to appear strong in the shadow of my perpetrator. Even twenty years later, remembering that night and writing this post, I can feel my heart beating faster and a tightness in my throat.
On that night, the alienation was not done by my biological parent but that didn’t matter. It was an adult. An adult who knew better and who’s care I had been entrusted. I was alone and they had all the power. The damage was done and that moment of our lives can never be retracted. Over the years, my hurt and anger has faded, and has been replaced by a sliding scale of disdain, pity and indifference. But trust is another matter. The trust is gone and no matter how many years pass, it eludes me. At the time I felt like I was the one being attacked, but now I know that I was merely collateral damage in an attempt to hurt and gain power over ‘that’ parent.
Yet understanding only brings me that, understanding. Everything else remains.
Sunday April 25, 2010 is Parental Alienation Awareness Day. And although there is much debate about what actually constitutes parental alienation or if the syndrome even exists, this grown child of divorce simply wants to spread this message: kids of divorce have enough on their plates without having to negotiate the impact of someone negating a parent. Chances are, they are already dealing with anger toward their parents, guilt about those feelings, shame about the characteristics they have from their other parent, and of course the stress of living through the trauma of divorce and anything else that came before and after it. They really don’t need anything else.
The other thing I’d like to inform parents, step parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and the like, is that the damage inflicted by this kind of abuse is significant and leaves very deep scars. You may be angry and you might even feel a bit better after lashing out or having your say. But for that child, whether it be for days, weeks or even years, that child will hear those words you spoke to them every time they look at you. Even long after you’ve forgotten them. Truly whatever benefit you may feel by getting things off your chest will be far outweighed by the negative impact you will have on that young person’s heart. And if you are able to force your way of thinking on that child, realize that your short sighted gain will one day be lost and a day of reckoning will come. And in those particularly heinous cases, know that it will come even harder.
I remember witnessing one day a child of divorce coming home from her non custodial visit. Her mother became displeased with her behaviour and said to me and all those around that she always acted that way when she came home from her dad’s house. The mother also added that she felt her daughter’s poor behavior was a reflection of her father and was evidence of him rubbing off on her during their time spent together. A moment later, after her daughter said something out of line, she sarcastically called her daughter by her father’s name. Her daughter crumpled into a pile of angry tears and my heart couldn’t help but break a little as the scene played out before me.
When it comes to putting down a child’s parent, the rules are simple. Don’t do it. It’s not like telling ‘yo mama’ jokes with your friends. That child is not your equal and with your power comes a great responsibility. Your words carry a sense of authority and will cut more deeply than you know. And what’s hardest of all for us kids is that we will undoubtedly see some truth in what you say, no matter how loudly we dispel it. I think the author of The Divorce Encouragist said it best when she wrote, to speak ill of your co-parent is to tell your child, “Honey, I love you. But biologically, you are 50% jackass.”
Yes, that’s exactly how it feels.
Copied from The Grown Up Child
While standing at a sink washing dishes it was declared to me that one of my parents must not love me. Then I was assaulted with all the twisted evidence to prove their claim. The lack of phone calls, the apparent lack of interest, and of course the lack of child support all while I was assured that my ‘other’ parent had always provided all of those things for me. The propagator of this garbage got incensed when I asserted that I was indeed loved by both my parents, and I was shrilly asked what evidence I had to prove it. When I couldn’t provide any, I was told that my lack of any ‘real’ counterpoints merely confirmed their argument. And the debate was over. I was told again that I obvously wasn’t loved by ‘that’ parent.
I remember that night so well. Each word felt like a rock being hurled against my skin. I remember the anger that raged within me and the sadness that threatened to overcome me. I fought with all my might to hold back the tears because crying felt like defeat and I wanted more than anything to appear strong in the shadow of my perpetrator. Even twenty years later, remembering that night and writing this post, I can feel my heart beating faster and a tightness in my throat.
On that night, the alienation was not done by my biological parent but that didn’t matter. It was an adult. An adult who knew better and who’s care I had been entrusted. I was alone and they had all the power. The damage was done and that moment of our lives can never be retracted. Over the years, my hurt and anger has faded, and has been replaced by a sliding scale of disdain, pity and indifference. But trust is another matter. The trust is gone and no matter how many years pass, it eludes me. At the time I felt like I was the one being attacked, but now I know that I was merely collateral damage in an attempt to hurt and gain power over ‘that’ parent.
Yet understanding only brings me that, understanding. Everything else remains.
Sunday April 25, 2010 is Parental Alienation Awareness Day. And although there is much debate about what actually constitutes parental alienation or if the syndrome even exists, this grown child of divorce simply wants to spread this message: kids of divorce have enough on their plates without having to negotiate the impact of someone negating a parent. Chances are, they are already dealing with anger toward their parents, guilt about those feelings, shame about the characteristics they have from their other parent, and of course the stress of living through the trauma of divorce and anything else that came before and after it. They really don’t need anything else.
The other thing I’d like to inform parents, step parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and the like, is that the damage inflicted by this kind of abuse is significant and leaves very deep scars. You may be angry and you might even feel a bit better after lashing out or having your say. But for that child, whether it be for days, weeks or even years, that child will hear those words you spoke to them every time they look at you. Even long after you’ve forgotten them. Truly whatever benefit you may feel by getting things off your chest will be far outweighed by the negative impact you will have on that young person’s heart. And if you are able to force your way of thinking on that child, realize that your short sighted gain will one day be lost and a day of reckoning will come. And in those particularly heinous cases, know that it will come even harder.
I remember witnessing one day a child of divorce coming home from her non custodial visit. Her mother became displeased with her behaviour and said to me and all those around that she always acted that way when she came home from her dad’s house. The mother also added that she felt her daughter’s poor behavior was a reflection of her father and was evidence of him rubbing off on her during their time spent together. A moment later, after her daughter said something out of line, she sarcastically called her daughter by her father’s name. Her daughter crumpled into a pile of angry tears and my heart couldn’t help but break a little as the scene played out before me.
When it comes to putting down a child’s parent, the rules are simple. Don’t do it. It’s not like telling ‘yo mama’ jokes with your friends. That child is not your equal and with your power comes a great responsibility. Your words carry a sense of authority and will cut more deeply than you know. And what’s hardest of all for us kids is that we will undoubtedly see some truth in what you say, no matter how loudly we dispel it. I think the author of The Divorce Encouragist said it best when she wrote, to speak ill of your co-parent is to tell your child, “Honey, I love you. But biologically, you are 50% jackass.”
Yes, that’s exactly how it feels.
Copied from The Grown Up Child
Parental Alienation Awareness
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Monday, August 31, 2015
Traits of a Narcissist Parent
Traits of a narcissist parent:
Lies compulsively to their child
Neglects the child’s needs
Puts the child down and makes the feel insignificant
Acts as though they are always right
Contradicts behaviour constantly by telling the child how special they are
Tries to create a co-dependent relationship
Has to be the centre of attention
Uses manipulation and gaslighting to create drama
Totally self-absorbed, the child is seen as a nuiscance
Uses the child as a tool to gain financial wealth or material goods
Has an excuse or an explanation for everything, never takes responsibility
Rules with an iron fist so the child is in fear
Will criticise constantly but pretend it is for the child’s own benefit
There are no boundaries, the parent feels as though they own complete access to all the child’s private emails, phone calls, relationships etc.
Blames everyone else for everything that happens to them
Tries to gain sympathy by pretending they are emotionally vulnerable
Seems to take great pleasure through causing drama
Image means everything to them so they will not appreciate the child doing anything to disrupt it
Uses emotional blackmail
Extremely jealous and will sabotage their child rather than see them do well
Puts the child on display so that others think they are a great parent
Pushes the child to extreme levels to do well so they can brag to others about how well they have brought them up
Makes the child feel as though they are not good enough
Neglects the child’s needs
Puts the child down and makes the feel insignificant
Acts as though they are always right
Contradicts behaviour constantly by telling the child how special they are
Tries to create a co-dependent relationship
Has to be the centre of attention
Uses manipulation and gaslighting to create drama
Totally self-absorbed, the child is seen as a nuiscance
Uses the child as a tool to gain financial wealth or material goods
Has an excuse or an explanation for everything, never takes responsibility
Rules with an iron fist so the child is in fear
Will criticise constantly but pretend it is for the child’s own benefit
There are no boundaries, the parent feels as though they own complete access to all the child’s private emails, phone calls, relationships etc.
Blames everyone else for everything that happens to them
Tries to gain sympathy by pretending they are emotionally vulnerable
Seems to take great pleasure through causing drama
Image means everything to them so they will not appreciate the child doing anything to disrupt it
Uses emotional blackmail
Extremely jealous and will sabotage their child rather than see them do well
Puts the child on display so that others think they are a great parent
Pushes the child to extreme levels to do well so they can brag to others about how well they have brought them up
Makes the child feel as though they are not good enough
Friday, June 12, 2015
Letter to Brad Henry-The Governor of Oklahoma
~~Letter to Brad Henry-The Governor of Oklahoma
This is a letter I sent to the Governor of Oklahoma, and I am going to be sending it to the Oklahoma Attorney General, the district Attorney in Texas co., the Mayor of Guymon, the Oklahoma State Police, CMEC, the Department of Justice, and anyone else I can think of! I am just getting started! You wanted it this way. I have given you and Donald every opportunity to resolve this. ARE YA READY??? I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I SEE MY CHILDREN!! I am also considering calling the local Guymon paper and local TV news to see if they are interested in an abduction story that happened in Guymon's own back yard. The letter to the Governor has been sent and I will know when you read this and have proof you read it!! Dear Mr. Henry, In 1997 my children Ronald and Shelby Cornett were abducted from my home in Kalispell, Montana with the help of one of your states residents at the time. They were taken to Guymon, Oklahoma where they have been hidden from me ever since.
The following things have occurred since their abduction:
1. I have been denied any and all contact with my children over the past 13 years.
2. The mother of my children, Jodi Rae Ross/Griffing a resident of Guymon, Oklahoma has abused your court system to sabotage my paternal rights as their father. She willfully withheld evidence, knowingly misinformed the court and its officers in numerous proceedings to gain custody and change the last names of my children. She said that I had no interest in my children which is not true. She hid them from me!
3. She, Jodi Rae Ross/Griffing and Donald Wayne Griffing has now cut off all communication with the Cornett Family.
4. Jodi, no longer has primary custody of my children herself. The man, Donald Wayne Griffing, who stole them does.
5. Jodi, continues to threaten, harass and obstruct me access to my children to this day.
6. I believe after extensive research that she fits the criteria of a Obsessed Parental Alienator.
7. Jodi, presently willfully admits to intentionally destroying and denying me any relationship with my children. In essence she denigrates me.
8. The most important item of all is my name has been removed from their birth certificates and they have been denied their rightful family heritage. From what I have read regarding the Oklahoma state laws pertaining to custodial interference, child stealing and kidnapping I believe Jodi and Donald have violated at least one law. My goal here is to hold them accountable for the wrong they have done and re-establish a relationship with my children who I love and were taken without my knowledge and without my consent. My only alternative is spending 10's of thousands of $$ in a civil venture and is an action which I will reserve until my children mature and reach an age of 18. So that the mental and emotional anguish they will incur will be minimal. Another avenue I have considered is overturning their misinformation in their court proceedings one by one. Which would be expensive, long, tedious and my children would probably reach 18 years before the proceedings are concluded. It sickens me to know that someone can take children, run thousands of miles away, and hide them in your state making it so difficult for an average man and so expensive to challenge anything they do. In general I find it hard to believe someone can take their children without the other parents permission, run across the country with them, make up whatever stories suit their agenda and not be held accountable. If this is the case our country seriously needs to look at the laws pertaining to child abduction, child kidnapping and any other laws that are ignorant of this reality. This is reality for me. I have lived with this for 13 1/2 years.
And no one can even come close to imagine the pain and suffering that goes with having your children taken and never knowing what happened to them. What little information I do gather sickens me and all points to Jodi and Donald's denigration of me. This is clearly Parental Alienation at its best.
Sincerely, Ronald Cornett
This is a letter I sent to the Governor of Oklahoma, and I am going to be sending it to the Oklahoma Attorney General, the district Attorney in Texas co., the Mayor of Guymon, the Oklahoma State Police, CMEC, the Department of Justice, and anyone else I can think of! I am just getting started! You wanted it this way. I have given you and Donald every opportunity to resolve this. ARE YA READY??? I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I SEE MY CHILDREN!! I am also considering calling the local Guymon paper and local TV news to see if they are interested in an abduction story that happened in Guymon's own back yard. The letter to the Governor has been sent and I will know when you read this and have proof you read it!! Dear Mr. Henry, In 1997 my children Ronald and Shelby Cornett were abducted from my home in Kalispell, Montana with the help of one of your states residents at the time. They were taken to Guymon, Oklahoma where they have been hidden from me ever since.
The following things have occurred since their abduction:
1. I have been denied any and all contact with my children over the past 13 years.
2. The mother of my children, Jodi Rae Ross/Griffing a resident of Guymon, Oklahoma has abused your court system to sabotage my paternal rights as their father. She willfully withheld evidence, knowingly misinformed the court and its officers in numerous proceedings to gain custody and change the last names of my children. She said that I had no interest in my children which is not true. She hid them from me!
3. She, Jodi Rae Ross/Griffing and Donald Wayne Griffing has now cut off all communication with the Cornett Family.
4. Jodi, no longer has primary custody of my children herself. The man, Donald Wayne Griffing, who stole them does.
5. Jodi, continues to threaten, harass and obstruct me access to my children to this day.
6. I believe after extensive research that she fits the criteria of a Obsessed Parental Alienator.
7. Jodi, presently willfully admits to intentionally destroying and denying me any relationship with my children. In essence she denigrates me.
8. The most important item of all is my name has been removed from their birth certificates and they have been denied their rightful family heritage. From what I have read regarding the Oklahoma state laws pertaining to custodial interference, child stealing and kidnapping I believe Jodi and Donald have violated at least one law. My goal here is to hold them accountable for the wrong they have done and re-establish a relationship with my children who I love and were taken without my knowledge and without my consent. My only alternative is spending 10's of thousands of $$ in a civil venture and is an action which I will reserve until my children mature and reach an age of 18. So that the mental and emotional anguish they will incur will be minimal. Another avenue I have considered is overturning their misinformation in their court proceedings one by one. Which would be expensive, long, tedious and my children would probably reach 18 years before the proceedings are concluded. It sickens me to know that someone can take children, run thousands of miles away, and hide them in your state making it so difficult for an average man and so expensive to challenge anything they do. In general I find it hard to believe someone can take their children without the other parents permission, run across the country with them, make up whatever stories suit their agenda and not be held accountable. If this is the case our country seriously needs to look at the laws pertaining to child abduction, child kidnapping and any other laws that are ignorant of this reality. This is reality for me. I have lived with this for 13 1/2 years.
And no one can even come close to imagine the pain and suffering that goes with having your children taken and never knowing what happened to them. What little information I do gather sickens me and all points to Jodi and Donald's denigration of me. This is clearly Parental Alienation at its best.
Sincerely, Ronald Cornett
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