With the increasing commonality of divorce
involving children, a pattern of abnormal behaviour has emerged that has
received little attention. The present paper defines the Divorce
Related Malicious Mother Syndrome. Specific nosologic criteria are
provided with abundant clinical examples. Given the lack of scientific
data available on the disorder, issues of classification, etiology,
treatment, and prevention appear ripe for investigation.
INTRODUCTION
A
divorced
man gains custody of his children and his ex-wife burns down his home. A
woman in a custody battle buys a cat for her offspring because her
divorcing husband is highly allergic to cats. A mother forces her
children to sleep in a car to "prove" their father has bankrupted them.
These actions illustrate a pattern of abnormal behavior that has emerged
as the divorce rate involving children has grown.
Today, half of all marriages will end in divorce
(Beal and Hochman, 1991). The number of children involved in divorce has
grown dramatically (e.g., Hetherington and Arastah, 1988) as well.
While the majority of such cases are "settled" from a legal perspective,
outside the courtroom the battle continues.
The media has spent considerable effort raising public awareness about the problem posed by
divorced fathers
who do not provide court ordered child support payments. Hedges (1991)
has noted that less than 20% of divorced fathers provide child support
payments three years after their divorce. Research on the decline of
women's economic status following divorce (e.g., Hernandez, 1988; Laosa,
1988) has contributed to recent legislation to address the "Deadbeat
Dad" problem.
While the media correctly portrays the difficulties imposed upon women and children by the "Deadbeat Dad" phenomenon, the
cameras
have yet to capture the warfare waged by a select group of mothers
against child support paying, law abiding fathers. Every day, attorneys
and therapists are exposed to horror stories in which vicious behaviors
are lodged against innocent fathers and children. Unfortunately, there
are no scientific data on the subject. Similarly, the clinical
literature has relatively ignored the problem.
A notable exception can be found in the clinical
writings of Gardner (1987, 1989) who has provided excellent descriptions
of the Parental Alienation Syndrome. Here, a custodial parent
successfully engages in a variety of maneuvers to alienate the child
from the non-residential parent. Once successfully manipulated, the
child becomes "...preoccupied with deprecation and criticism of a
parent-denigration that is unjustified and/or exaggerated" (Gardner,
1989 p. 226). In the typical case of Parental Alienation Syndrome, both
mother and child engage in an array of abnormal actions against the
rather. Gardner views "brainwashing" as a concept "too narrow" (Gardner,
1989) to capture the psychological manipulation involved in turning a
child against his/her non-residential parent.
While Gardner's pioneering descriptions of the
Parental Alienation Syndrome provide an important contribution to our
understanding of divorce related child involved hostilities, the present
paper is concerned with a more global abnormality. As noted in the
examples provided in the beginning of this manuscript, serious attacks
on divorcing husbands take place which are beyond merely manipulating
the children. Further, these actions include a willingness by some
mothers to violate societal law. Finally, there are mothers who
persistently engage in malicious behaviors designed to alienate their
offspring from the father, despite being unable to successfully cause
alienation. In sum, these cases do not meet the criteria for Parental
Alienation Syndrome. Nevertheless, they portray a serious abnormality.
The purpose of the present paper is to define and
illustrate this more global abnormality with the hope of generating
increased scientific and clinical investigation of this problem.
DEFINITION
The present section provides a beginning definition
of the Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrome, which has been derived
from clinical and legal cases. As in all initial proposals, it is
anticipated that future research will lead to greater refinement in the
taxonomic criteria. The proposed definition encompasses four major
criteria, as follows:
A mother who unjustifiably punishes her divorcing or divorced husband by:
- Attempting to alienate their mutual child(ren) from the father
- Involving others in malicious actions against the father
- Engaging in excessive litigation
The mother specifically attempts to deny her child(ren):
- Regular uninterrupted visitation with the father
- Uninhibited telephone access to the father
- paternal participation in the child(ren)'s school life and extra-curricular activities
Tile pattern is pervasive and includes malicious acts towards the husband including:
- Lying to the children
- Lying to others
- Violations of law
The disorder is not specifically due to another mental disorder although a separate mental disorder may co-exist.
CLINICAL ILLUSTRATIONS
In this section, I will provide clinical
illustrations for each criterion using the reference numbers provided
above. As criteria 1-3 are behavior specific to the Malicious Mother
Syndrome, I will provide a series of clinical examples. The fourth
criterion which addresses the relationship of the proposed syndrome to
other mental disorders, will be discussed more generally.
Criterion 1A: Alienating the Children
The range of actions taken by a mother to attempt to alienate her children from their father is impressive. For example:
One mother
lied to her children that she could no longer buy food because their
father had spent all of their money on women at topless bars.
A doctor's wife forced her 10 year old son to apply
for federally funded free school lunches to delude the boy that his
"daddy has made us poor."
A woman who for years was very close to the children
in a custody battle, was asked by their mother to give up neutrality and
join her campaign against the father to "dance on his grave." When the
friend refused to give up her neutrality, the mother falsely informed
her children that their father was having an affair with this woman.
These behaviors, if successful, could lead a child to
not only hate the father but perhaps go years without seeing him. As
Cartwright (1993) has noted: "The goal of the alienator is crystalline:
to deprive the lost parent, not only of the child's time, but of the
time of childhood" (p. 210).
Criterion 1B: Involving Others in Malicious Actions
The second component of the first major criterion
where the mother attempts to punish the husband, involves manipulating
other individuals to engage in malicious acts against the father.
Examples of this kind are as follows:
During a custody battle, a mother lied to a therapist
about the father's behaviour. The therapist, having never spoken with
the father, appeared as an "expert" witness to inform the Judge that the
mother should be the primary residential parent and that the father
needed to be in therapy.
One angry mother manipulated teenagers to leave anonymous threatening notes at the ex-husband's home.
A mother who had lost legal custody of her child,
manipulated a secretary at the child's school to assist in kidnapping
the child.
In the above examples, it is important to note that
the person manipulated by the angry mother has, in a way, been
"alienated" against the divorcing husband. Typically, the individual
"duped" takes on a righteous indignation, contributing to a rewarding
climate for the mother initiating malicious actions.
Criterion 1C: Excessive Litigation
There is little question that either party in a
divorce or custody proceeding is entitled to appropriate legal
representation and action. Individuals suffering from Divorce Related
Malicious Mother Syndrome, however, attempt to punish the divorcing
husband by engaging in excessive litigation.
A belligerent and unreasonable mother verbally
attacked her ex-husband whenever she saw him. Over time, his response
was to ignore her. She then took him to court, asking the judge to
require the ex-husband to talk with her.
One mother told a judge that her daughter was not really her divorcing husband's child.
One woman refused to stop attacking her ex-husband
through the courts despite numerous attorneys being fired or voluntarily
leaving the case. Over a three year period, seven different attorneys
were utilized.
Data exist which can help in determining the range of
excessive litigation. For example, Keel et al. (1988) report on the
frequency of post-divorce litigation in a sample of 700 families. Their
data indicate that only 12.7% of families file one post-divorce petition
to the court, whereas less than 5% file two or more petitions (Keel at
al. 1988); less than 1% file four or more petitions.
Criterion 2A: Denying Regular Visitation
Experts are in relative agreement that regular and
uninterrupted visitation with the non-residential parent is desirable
and beneficial for children, except in extreme circumstances (Hedges,
1991). In fact, some states, such as Florida, have laws written to
reflect this view (Keane, 1990). Unfortunately, even when the father and
children have legal rights to visitation, individuals with Divorce
Related Malicious Mother Syndrome continue to interfere with it.
A mother who previously attacked her ex-husband
physically during visitation transfers of the children, refused to
provide the children when the ex-husband had the police attend to
monitor exchanges.
When one divorced father arrived to pick up his
children for visitation, the mother arranged for her and the children to
be elsewhere so that the father could not visit with the children.
One mother had her physically intimidating boyfriend assault her ex-husband when he came to pick up his children for visitation.
The President of The Council for Children's Rights
(Washington, D.C.) notes that such alienation is considered a form of
child abuse (Levy, 1992). Unfortunately, the police typically avoid
involving themselves in such situations. Furthermore, unless a
victimized father is financially capable of returning to court on an
ongoing basis, there is little that can be done to prevent such mothers'
behavior. Finally, even when such cases are brought to trial, the
courts are often inadequate in supporting fathers' visitation rights
(Commission on Gender Bias in the Judicial System, 1992).
Criterion 2B: Denying Uninhibited Telephone Access
Given the physical absence of one parent, the
telephone plays an important role in maintaining the bond between child
and non-residential parent. Individuals suffering from Divorce Related
Malicious Mother Syndrome engage in an array of actions designed to
circumvent telephone access.
A father called to speak to his children and was told
that they were not at home when in bet he could hear their voices in
the background.
When one father called to speak with his children, the mother put him on "hold," informed no one, and then left him there.
Knowing that the children's father was away on vacation, one mother encouraged them to leave several messages on his
answering machine to call back immediately only if he would like some additional visitation time with his children.
Some fathers find the alienation attempts so painful
and fruitless that they eventually are extinguished from calling their
children; they simply "give up." Placed in a no-win scenario, the
father's "abandonment" (Hedges, 1991) unfortunately achieves the precise
result aimed for by the individual suffering from Divorce Related
Malicious Mother Syndrome.
Criterion 2C: Denying Participation in Extra-Curricular Activities
An integral part of the process of maintaining one's
bond with one's child is to participate in activities that one did
before the parents separated. School plays, team sports, and religious
events are just some of the types of activities of importance. Malicious
Mothers frequently engage in maneuvers designed to prevent
participation in these activities.
One father was deliberately given the wrong date and
time for an important event for the child. The child was asked by the
mother, "I wonder why your father didn't want to come to see you today"?
One mother refused to provide the father with any
information about any extra-curricular activities in which the children
were engaged.
Prior to a child's soccer game, one mother told many
of the team parents disparaging falsehoods about the visiting lather.
When he came to watch his son's soccer game, many of these parents
looked at him with angry eyes, refused to talk with him, and walked away
when he moved toward them.
Malicious Mothers who engage in such behaviors rarely
have to face penalties for such actions. Judges, attorneys, and
policemen cannot involve themselves in every instance of blocked
paternal access. Furthermore, most fathers cannot afford the financial
requirements involved. As such, the cycle of access interference
perpetuates itself.
Criterion 3A: Malicious Lying to the Children
Given their developmental status, children in a
disputed divorce situation are quite vulnerable. When one parent decides
to attack the other by lying to the children, examples of this type of
malicious behavior may include some of the following.
One divorcing mother told her very young daughter that her father was "not really" her father even though he was.
An eight year old girl was forced by her mother to
hand unpaid bills to her lather when he visited because the mother had
falsely told the daughter that the father had not provided any economic
means of support to the family.
One mother falsely told her children that their father had repeatedly beat her up in the past.
These examples of malicious lying can be contrasted
with the more subtle maneuvers typically seen in Parental Alienation
Syndrome, such as "virtual allegations" (Cartwright, 1993). Here, the
mother setting up a Parental Alienation Syndrome may hint that abuse may
have occurred, whereas the individual suffering from Divorce Related
Malicious Mother Syndrome falsely claims that abuse has actually
occurred.
Criterion 3B: Malicious Lying to Others
Individuals suffering from Divorce Related Malicious
Mother Syndrome may engage a wide range of other individuals in their
attacks upon the ex-husband. However, with this particular criterion,
the individual with Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrome
specifically lies to other individuals in the belligerency against the
father. Some examples include the following.
One furious mother called the president of the (1500
employee) workplace of her divorcing husband, claiming falsely that he
was using business property for personal gain and was abusing their
mutual children at his work locale.
One woman falsely told slate officials that her
ex-husband was sexually abusing their daughter. The child was
immediately taken away from him and his access to her was denied.
During the course of a custody dispute, one mother
falsely informed the guardian, who was investigating the parenting
skills of each parent, that the father had physically abused her.
Snyder (1986) has reported on the difficulty imposed
upon legal authorities when confronted with someone who is an excellent
liar. Consistent with research on the inability of "specialists" to
detect lying (Ekman and O'Sullivan, 1991), a skilled fabricator can be a
compelling witness in the courtroom (Snyder, 1986). While sometimes
seen in borderline personalities, Snyder (1986) notes that pathological
lying (Pseudologia Fantastica) is not restricted to that particular
character disorder.
Criterion 3C: Violating Law to Attack the Husband
Individuals suffering from Divorce Related Malicious
Mother Syndrome have few if any boundaries in their campaign against the
divorcing husband. Violations of law are common in many cases, although
the laws broken may be relatively minor. However, in some cases, the
violations of law may be quite serious.
One woman deliberately drove her automobile into the house of her ex-husband where their mutual children resided.
In the midst of a custody battle, one woman broke
into the residence of her divorcing husband and stole important business
papers.
An angry divorcing mother called a Christian
evangelical television station and pledged $1000, giving the name,
address, and phone number of her divorcing Jewish husband as the
pledgee.
The above descriptions may remind the reader of
certain personality disorders (e.g., antisocial, borderline, sadistic)
but these behaviors may be demonstrated by individuals with Divorce
Related Malicious Mother Syndrome who do not appear to meet official
diagnostic criteria for an Axis II disorder. Further, in each of the
four examples provided above, none of the Malicious Mothers involved was
sentenced for such behavior by a Judge.
Criterion 4: Not Due to Another Disorder
In assessing the Divorce Related Malicious Mother
Syndrome, it is important to note that many of the above clinical
examples seem to have occurred in individuals who had no prior mental
disorder diagnosis or treatment. In fact, one mother who engaged in
extreme maliciousness toward her divorcing husband had several mental
health professionals testify that she was not suffering from any type of
mental disorder. Clearly, it would seem that individuals who have
Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrome may or may not have a
concomitant mental disorder.
In the author's experience, for each mental disorder
that might come to mind to account for some of this behavior, an
exceptional case presents. For example, in some cases an Adjustment
Disorder might seem an appropriate diagnosis, yet one woman still denied
her ex-husband visitation 10 years after the divorce. Other cases might
suggest a possibility of a personality disorder diagnosis, yet one
woman who repeatedly violated the law in attacking her ex-husband,
received no personality disorder diagnosis despite being evaluated by
masters level and doctoral level examiners. In some instances,
Intermittent Explosive Disorder might be considered, yet the anger for
many of the mothers does not appear to be intermittent.
Finally, the reader should appreciate that while
diagnostic accuracy for certain psychiatric difficulties is not as good
as one would like (e.g., the personality disorders, see Turkat, 1990),
the problem is compounded in family law where incompetent mental health
examiners sometimes become involved in the judicial process (Turkat,
195)3). Clearly, the relationship between Divorce Related Malicious
Mother Syndrome and other mental disorders is a complex one which
requires significant investigation.
DISCUSSION
The above description of the Divorce Related
Malicious Mother Syndrome raises a variety of important clinical, legal,
and scientific issues.
From a clinical perspective, families that involve a
Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrome are subject to serious
episodes of stress and distress. Yet, there is no scientific evidence on
how to treat this phenomenon. It is particularly compromised by the
fact that many of these cases that appear to meet the proposed
diagnostic criteria deny that there is anything wrong with them.
An additional difficulty is that many therapists are
unaware of this pattern of malicious behavior (Heinz and Heinz, 1993).
As such, there are therapists who are "fooled" by such cases and, as
noted earlier, will come to court testifying that there is nothing wrong
with the mother involved.
From a legal perspective, there are some attorneys
who may unintentionally encourage this type of behavior (Gardner, 1989).
On the other hand, there are some attorneys who deliberately encourage
such behavior, as the financial rewards for them are time dependent. In
other words, the more involved the litigation process, the greater the
profits for the attorney (Grotman and Thomas, 1990). However, even for
the subset of attorneys for whom this may be true, there is a point of
diminishing returns. Furthermore, independent of economic
considerations, many who become involved with family law courtrooms find
that these types of cases are not handled well (Greif, 1985; Levy,
1992).
The woman who is not disturbed "enough" to lose
custody of her children in the courtroom will not have money denied to
her because she engages in this behavior; nor will she go to jail. Thus,
many clients report significant frustration when they and their
children are exposed to this type of behavior, and the courts seem to do
little if anything about.
In a review of pertinent law literature on bias
against men in family law proceedings, Tillitski (1992) concluded that
there is widespread discrimination. This is well illustrated by one
family law Judge's statement that, "I ain't never seen the calves follow
the bulls, they always follow the cow; therefore, I always give custody
to the mamas" (Commission on Gender Bias in the Judicial System, 1992
p. 742). Similarly, it is noted that visitation rights of fathers are
not enforced as rigidly as are child support orders (Commission on
Gender Bias in the Judicial System, 1992). Such bias against men in
family law proceedings results in a unique group of fathers who
unintentionally become relatively helpless victims of the system
(Tillitski, 1992). This situation would seem to reinforce much of the
vicious behavior displayed by women suffering from Divorce Related
Malicious Mother Syndrome.
The issue of sex distribution of the disorder
certainly needs to be addressed. The overwhelming majority of custodial
parents are female (Commission on Gender Bias in the Judicial System,
1992). Gardner (1989) has noted that Parental Alienation Syndrome
appears most commonly in females, although it is possible for a male who
has custody of the children to engage in the same type of alienating
behaviors. The author's experience with Divorce Related Malicious Mother
Syndrome is similar to Gardner's. However, the present writer has yet
to see a case of a father engaging in all of the criteria listed. This
does not mean that it is not possible for there to be a "Malicious
Father" Syndrome. In fact, Shepard (1992) reports that there is
significant abuse of some custodial mothers by non-residential fathers.
On the other hand, it should be noted that there are females who are
required to pay chiltl support, but we have yet to heara about "Deadbeat
Moms." Given at the present time that a case in which the father met
all of the criteria for Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syntlrome has
yet to be documented, it appears advisable to await scientific evidence
to guide issues of nosologic labeling.
How prevalent is the Divorce Related Malicious Mother
Syndrome? The answer is unknown. Gardner (1989) reports that
approximately 90% of all custody battles involve some aspects of
parental alienation. Further, Kressel (1985) reviewed data indicating
that up to 40% of maternal custodians denied visitation to the
ex-husband in order to punish him. Relatedly, Arditti (1992) reported
that 50% of a sample of divorced fathers (N = 125) indicated that
visitation was interfered with by the mother. While aspects of parental
alienation may be common, it is highly unlikely that such a percentage
of maternal custodians would meet all of the criteria for Divorce
Related Malicious Mother Syndrome.
In regard to incidence, it would appear through the
title of this syndrome that the malicious behavior is precipitated by
the divorce process.
However, this is clearly an empirical question. While
the malicious actions may first be noted during a divorce process, it
is possible that maliciousness may have been present earlier but
undetected. Research on pre-divorce parental conflict (Enos and Handal,
1986) supports this speculation. Relatedly, it may also be that there
are some cases of pre-existing mental disorder that have not been
discovered until the stress of the divorce itself unfolds.
Finally, it should be noted that research on the
nature of post-divorce family functioning is beginning to emerge. Some
data exist on the role of parental conflict in children's postdivorce
functioning (e.g., Frost and Pakiz, 1990; Furstenberg et al., 1987;
Healy, Malley and Stewart, 1990; Kudek, 1988), but studies have yet to
appear on the more extreme cases of Parental Alienation Syndrome and
Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrome.
The Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrome
represents an important societal phenomenon. The disorder affects
children, parents, attorneys, judges, guardians, mental health
professionals, and others. Until this phenomenon is explored more
thoroughly in the scientific and clinical literature, the problems
imposed by individuals suffering from Divorce Related Malicious Mother
Syndrome will continue to plague us. Hopefully, the present manuscript
will stimulate research so that clinical and legal management guidelines
can be developed.
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Ira Daniel Turkat, Florida Institute of Psychology and University of Florida College of Medicine,
1225 Avenida Del Circo, Venice, Florida 34285.
The following article is from the August 23, 2011 AVfM Radio program on the criminal practice of making false allegations of abuse in order to
gain the upper hand in divorce and custody battles. The 
